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about

I've always struggled with my physical self-image, and this track is my attempt to externalize this. Musically, this struggle is conveyed through two opposing voices, with a relatively manic voice overtaking during the chorus; musically dissonant elements, such as psychedelic clean guitars played against distorted ones; and bass lines that go in and out of chord tones freely--all to subtly convey the dissonance between the part of my brain that wants to hate my appearance, and the other that knows such is irrational.

lyrics

Born defective
Disgusted by his own form
He carves at the skin not his own
To shape one new

Hands that wind separate from mind,
Eyes that see not self,
A voice buzzing, snickering, “this is wrong,”
Is what is seen really there?

Will I see this with anything but disgust?
Will any sculpting satisfy?
Will I ever accept this unlike body?

Dispiteous perceptions
In the black abysses
Fingers which reach through the mind
Influenced by outside avarice

Emptiness, erosion of mind
Vision perceives outré form
Engulfed by ageless grievance
Could he be wrong if told this his whole life?

Will I see this with any feeling but disgust?
I know no sculpting will satisfy.
But will I ever accept this unlike body?

credits

from Undulating Echoes of Stirring Subconscious, released September 13, 2019

license

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