We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Unlike Body MMXXIV

by Ecliptic

supported by
Len van der Wolf
Len van der Wolf thumbnail
/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

about

I'm coming up on 5 years since I first wrote this track and recorded Undulating Echoes of Stirring Subconscious. While I have no intention of re-recording or re-treating the full album, I felt like going back to this track. I originally wrote this to express general body dysmorphia/dysphoria, not realizing it also had a weight on my gender identity at the time.

A lot has changed from 2019 to 2024. I've just turned 28, I experienced a global pandemic, I came out as nonbinary, I've gotten married, I adopted my dog, I graduated with my bachelor's and master's, I've moved states to pursue my doctorate. My life perspective has changed in many ways since the inception of this project, and revisiting this track felt like a nice way to reflect on the time passed.

For changes from the 2019 original:
- I've touched up the lyrics to follow the same structure but just be a bit more consistent with who I am and how I write now.
- I've re-recorded all the parts, including improvised lead guitar.
- I've spent more time making the mix clear while maintaining the original character I went for in the song.
- I like to believe I've really improved vocally over the past 5 years, which I hoped to reflect here.

lyrics

Born defective
Disgusted by their own form
They carve at skin not their own
To shape one new

Hands that wind separate from mind,
Eyes that see not self,
A voice buzzing, jittering, “this is wrong,”
Is what is seen really there?

Will I see this with anything but disgust?
Will any sculpting satisfy?
Will I ever accept this unlike body?

Dispiteous perceptions
From black abysses
Fingers which reach through the mind
Influenced by outside avarice

Emptiness, an erosion of mind
Vision perceives outré form
Engulfed by an ageless grievance
Could they be wrong if told this their whole life?

I can't see this with anything but disgust.
I know no sculpting will satisfy.
How will I ever accept this unlike body?

credits

released February 14, 2024
Michael Baer - churning blood

license

all rights reserved

tags

Ecliptic recommends:

If you like Ecliptic, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Featuring Riley Pinkerton (aka The Rat Queen) from the theatrical NYC rockers, Castle Rat.
listen now